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Coaching Your Daughter Through Friend Drama

Posted by dataperk on July 27, 2020

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  • Kari on Instagram

    Fun day in Tuscaloosa seeing our girl and cheering Fun day in Tuscaloosa seeing our girl and cheering for our team. I love this season of having college kids where we see our old friends on game day + our kids’ high school friends too. It always impresses me how grown up, friendly, and mature they are❤️ Roll Tide!!
    One of my most popular podcasts was with Mary Fran One of my most popular podcasts was with Mary Frances Robertson @mfrobertson1 and called “The College Transition: 6 Tips to Navigate it Well.”

Mary Frances thrived in college as President of KD, a Capstone Woman, and a Young Life Leader at the University of Alabama. She understands the importance of intentionality and deciding in advance who you hope to be.

Comment COLLEGE and I’ll message you the Substack article that includes the podcast link + written message. The podcast is free, and the article is for paid subscribers. It’s perfect to print out for your daughter or son.
    For more messages on raising girls, comment READY For more messages on raising girls, comment READY and I’ll message you a link to my new book coming Sept. 16. Pre-order #isyourdaughterreadybook now!

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When it comes to dating, here are basics for girls to keep in mind:
 
•Men make terrible gods. Keep God #1 in your life, because no human is meant to be your savior. Boys will come and go, but God is forever.
 
•Never date a guy who doesn’t have bright eyes. Eyes are the window to the soul.
 
•A boy may be part of God’s plan for you, but he’ll never be The Plan. Putting a boy on a pedestal sets you up for disappointment and puts unfair pressure on him.
 
•It’s better to be alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong ones.
 
•Dating is about rejection, and the purpose of dating is to find the 1 person you’re meant to marry. This eases the sting rejection and reminds you to keep your relationships innocent because it’s 99.99% guaranteed that any boy you date won’t be your husband.

•You date (and marry) to your level of health. Get yourself in a good place, and you’ll attract better guys. If you feel so lonely that you’ll settle, you’re not ready to date.
 
•Regarding cheaters: If he’ll do it for you, he’ll do it to you. Don’t be surprised.
 
•You were made to chase your dreams, not boys. If you’re living out your purpose, the right boy will show up at the right time if that’s God’s plan.
 
•Boys can be predators or protectors. They often look similar, so trust your instincts and get out when a situation feels unsafe. Forget about being polite and protect yourself.
 
•You need good friends before & after you date. Don’f neglect your friends. Many women who had serious boyfriends in high school regret overinvesting in those relationships that kept them from cultivating strong friendships and investing in themselves. Even if you find Mr. Right, you still need your peeps.
 
• The best romances have a strong friendship. Chemistry without friendship will fizzle, and relationships centered around physical attraction will fail once the novelty of you wears off and someone prettier comes along.
    Far more important than my voice in my daughters’ lives is God‘s voice in my daughters’ lives….and teaching them to tune into that.

After all, He’s the author of their story. The safest place for them to be is in the middle of His will. 

I don’t always have the right answer, and I can’t give you a bulletproof strategy on how to make your child always listen or to save them from every struggle.

But what I can offer is guidance on how to help your daughter trust in God, hear His voice, and understand His love for her.

I can help you prepare her for life beyond your home…parent with influence as you lose control…and equip her to find her purpose.

Pre-order #isyourdaughterreadybook now for guidance on preparing your child for real life during their 18 years at home. 

Comment READY and I’ll send you the link. To claim the pre-order bonuses, go to my bio link.

This book launches Sept. 16, so make plans now to read it with your favorite girl moms!!
    Rather than focus on who you can impress, think ab Rather than focus on who you can impress, think about who you can bless. Ask God to use you to enrich someone‘s day🤍
 
*For more messages like this, comment READY and I’ll message you a link to #isyourdaughterreadybook, my new book for moms coming Sept. 16. Pre-order now to secure your copy!

**Find this message expanded in article form (making it easy to share with your daughter) on my Substack.
    Today is Harry’s birthday 🎉, and I could writ Today is Harry’s birthday 🎉, and I could write an entire book about what makes him special and irreplaceable. But as we went around the table last night naming our favorite qualities, the word that kept coming up was “humble.” I’ve seen his humility play out 1,000 ways over time, especially as we’ve raised these girls who adore him, and it’s love for the Lord that cultivates his humility and makes him a treasure to those of us who know him best. Happy birthday to my better half and best friend….Harry, we thank God for your life and for making you ours!!! May #53 be your best year yet! We love you always❤️
    My mom had major health issues for 4 years before My mom had major health issues for 4 years before she passed away. Looking back, I realize how I spent the first 2 years just wanting her to bounce back. I wanted her to be my mom again, which was a purely selfish motive.

At the same time, my girls were growing up. We were parenting teenagers and preparing for the reality that they’d one day leave home.😭There was an underlying sadness inside of me that I couldn’t identify for years until I read THE RETURN OF THE PRODIGAL SON by Henri Nouwen.

Nouwen wrote that the ultimate goal of the spiritual life is to become the compassionate father. As we grow up and mature, we move past being the prodigal son and the jealous brother to become the merciful father who stretches out his hand in blessing and receives his children with compassion regardless of how they feel or think about him.

The restlessness I felt, and the tension that I couldn’t put my finger on, was the shifting of roles and passing of the baton. It was my turn to step up the plate and be the adult.

This helped me love my mom exactly where she was instead of wishing our roles could go back to normal. And when I read these slides from that period of time, I still believe it’s all true. I believe there is joy and freedom on the other side as we take these truths to heart and resolve to give to the next generation what our parents and mentors gave us🤍
    “A woman in teen ministry once shared with me a “A woman in teen ministry once shared with me a term that describes the state of female friendships in the middle school years: 

Fluid.

In other words, friendships can change a lot in this stage of life. They may ebb and flow as everyone makes new friends, explores new friendships, and sometimes grows apart.

The growing apart may not be intentional; it’s often a matter of not having classes together or the same extra-curricular activities. We typically become close with the people we see the most, and as teenagers evolve in their passions, personalities, and circumstances, their relationships evolve too.

This is a tricky thing to navigate for girls and their moms. Sometimes girls drift apart for a reason. Sometimes a falling out triggers sudden mistrust.

A girl who your daughter thought was a friend (in my book I call them 50/50 friends) does something hurtful or mean. Or a group of girls may gang up on one girl because she made the leader mad. 

The scenarios are endless, and the lesson to be learned is that girls sometimes must learn the hard way what true friendship looks like.

Friendships change and get put to the test, and only time will tell what the final shake-out will be. And while I don’t have a bulletproof solution, I do have thoughts to share with your daughter if she feels insecure or worried about friendship fluctuations.”

This article (and many more like it) are on my Substack for paid subscribers. Comment MIDDLE and I’ll message the link to you🤍
    Share with your favorite college girl🤍 And, fo Share with your favorite college girl🤍

And, for more messages like this, comment READY and I’ll message you a link to #isyourdaughterreadybook, my new book for moms coming Sept. 16. Pre-order now to secure your copy!
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