10 Ways to Build Better Friendships

Last fall, I attended an insightful Bible study. The message resonated with me long after I left that afternoon.

The Bible Study was for my 5th grade daughter and her classmates. The leader was Donna Greene, who has ministered to girls for 40 years here in Mountain Brook, Alabama. Besides the fact that she’s amazing, Donna knows girls like the back of her hand. Her message that day – how to build bridges, not walls – was perfect for 5th grade girls. Using true stories to illustrate, Donna explained how beautiful friendships form when girls lift each other up and act as encouragers instead of tearing each other down.

Soon after the Bible study, a garden club asked me to speak. And as I considered what messages women my age might find helpful, I kept going back to Donna’s words: Build bridges, not walls.bidge copy 2

To me this theme is as relevant to moms as it is to 11-year-old girls. It applies to every stage of life, because of all the barriers that prevent women from having deeply loving, rich friendships, two things that top the list are 1) our tendency to take our insecurities out on each other and 2) our reluctance to show our authentic, genuine selves.

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What Next? Helping Kids Cope with Rejection

Life is hard. Disappointments happen. Sometimes we lose when we deserve to win. Sometimes we win when we deserve to lose.

As adults, we’ve had practice coping with letdowns. But for children, the pain is fresh and the wounds particularly deep. They’re not prepared for unexpected blows, nor do they understand how a loss might benefit them long-term. One rejection can feel like the new norm, and with every subsequent defeat they may fear they’ll never break the cycle. Once a loser, always a loser.

That isn’t true, of course – at least not for those who keep plugging away – but try explaining that to the boy cut from his baseball team or the girl who didn’t make cheerleader. Try convincing anyone who just failed miserably that there’s hope.failure2

So what’s a parent to do? How can we pull our children from the pit when they fall in? I don’t have many answers, but I do know this: We don’t jump in the pit with them. We don’t act like it’s the end of the world or throw confetti on their pity party because that fuels their fears. 

Our attitude affects their attitude, and if we, in our infinite wisdom, send a message of doom and gloom, what does that say about their future?

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Ashes to Ashes

There’s one day a year that I wear my faith on my forehead. Yes, on Ash Wednesday anyone who crosses my path can see that I’m a Christian.ashes BEST

And while I’ve been wearing the ashen cross since I was a child, it wasn’t until college that I truly grasped the meaning behind it. It took a major disappointment for me to learn a lesson that impacts me still today.

I was eighteen at the time, a freshman at the University of Alabama. I’d just tried out for Capstone Men and Women, a prestigious organization of university ambassadors. As most Alabama alums know, making Capstone Men and Women is a big deal. It’s a competitive, two-interview process made more daunting by the overall caliber of applicants.

With just a few slots open, the odds were against me, but I figured I had a shot. My grades and leadership experience had always opened doors for me, so why would this be any different?

Unfortunately, my first interview was a flop. I was so nervous going in, and in the formal atmosphere—where multiple people took turns asking questions—I grew self-conscious and tongue-tied. It was an embarrassing experience I couldn’t escape fast enough.

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