“A word of encouragement during a failure
is worth more than an hour of praise after success.” – Unknown
I believe it’s fair to say that most parents want to raise brave children.
We want them to be brave in doing what’s right. Brave in chasing their dreams. Brave in saying “no” when necessary. Brave in facing their fears.
But the thing about bravery is, there’s a lot of psychology involved.
It is Monday morning, and my daughter drags into the kitchen. She sits on a bar stool, slumps her shoulders, and casts her eyes down at the bowl of Cheerios I slide in front of her.
She moans and groans and tells me how tired she is. Part of me is irritated. I need her to step it up because I have four kids to get to school in thirty minutes. I don’t have time for this.
But then I remember – I get tired,
When my daughters were all little, I dreaded adolescence. It seemed like all the comments I heard about tween and teen girls were negative, and the way some people put it, I was in for a dismal ride.
On top of this, there was the sentimental sap in me who wanted to mourn the childhood my daughters were slowly outgrowing. With every baby tooth that fell out of their mouths, every hair bow they refused to wear,
Friends, today’s post is written by my friend Rachel Macy Stafford – also known as Hands Free Mama – whose highly anticipated new book Hands Free Life releases September 8th. Rachel is a gifted writer with a heart of gold, and her beautiful insights on intentional parenting have touched millions across the globe. I highly recommend her new book as a guide on creating a life of significance and strengthening relationships with your family and friends.
It’s rare to hear anyone say they loved middle school. Even people with positive memories never tout it as the best years of their life.
Simply put, it’s an awkward season. It’s a time of constant changes, social shake-ups, swinging emotions, and intense pressures. If I’ve learned anything from working with adolescent girls, it’s how hungry this age group is for comfort and reassurance. I hear it in their voices and see it in their eyes whenever I speak to a group,
Years ago, my friend’s daughter really wanted to be chosen as “Swimmer of the Week” at their country club. It’s an honor bestowed weekly to one child per age group in the summer.
Parents will sometimes call the club to request that their child be picked. But my friend didn’t want to do that. She wanted her daughter to win the award through hard work and perseverance.
So she told her child, “When you get this award,
I have a friend who hopes to start a ministry. She’s equipped to do it, and her life story is pointing that way, but currently she’s in a season where she is waiting for God to reveal His plan and provide more direction.
She’s a great mom – to her kids and other people’s kids, too. My children adore her and look up to her. She’s also a terrific friend, the kind who you will drop everything to help you.
“Making the decision to have a child is momentous.
It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”
Years ago, I was at the dentist’s office getting my teeth cleaned when I heard some parenting advice that’s stayed with me.
My daughters were young at the time, and as the dental hygienist talked about her 16-year-old daughter, I quizzed her about that stage of life.
(Originally posted March 2015)
Well, we made it. We survived our first big tryout week. Honestly, it was better than I expected. Even if my daughter hadn’t made the 7th grade cheer squad, I’d still say that.
I was nervous going in, mostly because of the crazy cheer momma stories I’d heard about people freaking out over their child’s competition and pulling sneaky moves. I didn’t want to be like that, of course, nor did I want to fall in the category of being so obsessed with the outcome that I spent the week being strung-out,
Some of the best advice I ever received came after my first big job promotion.
I was 23 years old, and the newly tapped executive speechwriter for a large company. My primary responsibility was to prepare notes for the CEO’s speaking engagements. Since he was a terrific speaker, he often spoke off-the-cuff. What this meant for me was that I might spend three weeks working diligently on a speech – only to have him use a sentence or two.
When you write a book for teen and tween girls, you learn a lot about teen culture. Much of what you learn will absolutely break your heart.
And while I don’t love controversy – or being one to initiate awkward conversations – I do love girls. Because of that love, I’m venturing out of my normal blogging zone to address an issue that parents and adolescents should discuss.
And that is, sexting.
Do you have a child who’s the opposite of you, and when they’re little you don’t know what to do with that, but then they grow up and you realize what an extraordinary GIFT you’ve been given?
That’s how I feel about my Sophie Bear, who turns 10 this month.
While I’m a scaredy cat, Sophie is fearless.
While I’m sensitive, she is tough.
While I’m an introvert who loves to stay home and nest,
All of us want our life to mean something.
We want to leave a mark.
We want to make a difference.
We want to be remembered long after we die.
Yet far too often, our efforts are shortsighted. We focus on this world instead of the next. We measure success by wealth, notoriety, and living the American dream.
The bigger the bank account, the greater the legacy,
She wasn’t part of my plan. And for that reason alone, I couldn’t wrap my head around her.
I took the pregnancy test for peace of mind. I knew I wasn’t pregnant…yet I had to make sure. A missed cycle had stirred doubt in my head. That doubt bothered me. I wanted it to go away so I could get on with life.
When the test turned positive, my heart sank. A tsunami of emotions swelled inside me,
One January several years ago, I was having coffee with some moms when the conversation turned to Christmas — and how differently women and men handle the holiday.
A story one mom shared essentially summed up the gender gap that tends to appear this time of year.
It was a busy Saturday, and as she ran circles around the house, her head exploding with things to do (buy a tree! decorate it!
Let me begin with THANK YOU!
Thank you for reading my blog and newspaper column. Thank you for sharing my stories. Thank you for making this blog post for teen girls go viral and setting in motion a dream come true when Thomas Nelson, one of the world’s largest Christian publishers, asked if I’d be interested in turning that post into a book.
Clearly I said,
A while back, I had a conversation with a beautiful 13-year-old girl in which the name of a popular teenager came up. With starry eyes and her face suddenly aglow, this 13-year-old exclaimed:
“She’s so pretty! She’s so perfect! I want to be her!!!”
I understood her remark, because I once thought this same way. I once considered perfection the holy grail, the ultimate goal a girl should strive for.
But due to my history in chasing perfectionism,
There’s a certain reality to being female that no one can deny.
And that reality is, the better you look, the more compliments and attention you receive.
It took me a long to realize how powerfully motivating this is for teen girls in particular, approaching their physical peak. When adults talk about teen girls today, the conversation often revolves around how vain and beauty-obsessed this generation of selfie-takers has become. And while that’s generally true,
A while back, I was at dinner with my friend Jacki when she shared a story about one of her three sons.
Their family was at the high school for a game, and without consulting his parents, their sixth grade son walked from the school to the neighborhood grocery store with three girls. Because it was dark outside, his parents weren’t happy about it.
One thing Jacki’s learned about raising boys, however,
In February 2014, a dear friend of mine lost her husband in a tragic accident. As multitudes of people flocked to lift her family up and help in their time of need, I reached out to a mom who had lost her spouse years ago to see if she had advice on how to help a grieving friend.
It turned out she did. She had excellent advice, in fact, and because grief is relevant to all of our lives,
Years ago, I was at the beach with my family when I noticed a group of ladies nearby who appeared to be in their fifties.
With a quick glance, I knew they were on a girls’ weekend. All the signs were there – coolers & cocktails, beach bags with romance novels, straw hats, umbrellas in the sand – but most telling of all was their laughter. Lots of lots of laughter, the kind that draws attention and curiosity from anyone in earshot.
(originally posted June 2014, and re-sharing for mommas with littles)
My family and I have had a great summer. We’ve been to the beach, stayed up late laughing and being silly, caught up with friends, and enjoyed extra time together that I try to cherish because I know one day, we’ll be going in different directions.
With the extra time together, however, comes the reminder of how extra-comfortable we get around the people we’re with the most.
Recently I spoke with a girl who shared with me a time when she’d been left out by friends.
It happened at school and started with a club her friends created. The club had its own rules, and when she overheard some girls in her class talking about it, she asked if she could join.
“Sure,” they replied, and with that she was a member.
Later that day, however, she overhead the mastermind behind the club –
Once upon a time, there were four little girls who begged for a dog.
Their names were Ella, Sophie, Marie Claire, and Camille.
“No,” said their parents, their voices firm and adamant. “Absolutely not.”
The little girls pushed. They whined. They cried and gave their parents a major guilt trip about being the ONLY FAMILY ON EARTH that didn’t have a dog. But the parents didn’t budge. They were united, and they told the girls that maybe,
It’s May, and you know what that means.
Time to recognize and celebrate every unsung hero called Mom.
Most mothers don’t give themselves enough credit. They may admit they’re a good mom, but a great mom? I believe many would choke on the word. Women are too hard on themselves, and nowhere is this more apparent than in motherhood.
Following are 10 truths moms should know. I hope they serve as encouragement, hope, and a well-deserved pat on the back.