When my sister got engaged years ago, she made an observation that I’ve since realized is very true.

“So many people are negative about marriage,” she said. “When I say I’m engaged, they want to tell me how terrible it is.”

Now, I know marriage is hard. I understand there’s a vast difference in the mindset of a new bride and a couple celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary. I’m aware that some people have a reason to be down on marriage because their spouse put them through a nightmare, and when their marriage ended, it was a blessing.

But oftentimes, the negative mindset prominent in our culture is caused by looking at marriage the wrong way. Magnifying the bad instead of the good. Listening to people complain about their spouse and deciding we should complain, too. Blaming our spouse for everything that goes wrong and unloading frustration on them because the promise of “til death do us part” makes us feel safe enough to do so.

What gets lost in this negativity is the spiritual aspect, the understanding of how marriage – as the deepest, most intimate relationship possible with another human being – is meant to draw us closer to God. How marriage is a vehicle to discover not only earthly joy, but also heavenly joy, a taste of what’s to come. How the real goal is to help each other become better people and grow into God’s image.